// i’ve never been in love
// you’ve never been in love?
// well i don’t think so. i don’t know. i mean, i want to be in love. i think i’m trying to be.
i told her, as i was setting up to play a song for her — instead of the usual, cynical lines like “i don’t believe in love,” or “ it doens’t exist. love is a choice,” or any of the other rather pseudo philosophical things i’d say.
— i don’t know why i didn’t say those to her. maybe i wanted to be in love with her. or maybe i just didn’t want to hear the same words coming out of my mouth again. or perhaps it was the whiskey in my stomach.
do i actually believe in love then? i don’t know that either. she had asked me earlier that night whether i felt my astrological sign adequately represented who i was. how “gemini” of me, this was — i thought. or is this even a “gemini” thing to do? i don’t know.
my friend once told me, “i don’t really believe in astrology, but you’re the most gemini person i’ve ever met.” i think that means that you do believe astrology though, yeah?
i finished setting up and played a song for her. i couldn’t tell whether it wooed her. i went and kissed her, and then we made love, sweating atop one another, then fell asleep on each other’s bodies.
Track Name: // i'm on the train now
i’m on the train now.
i took a couple shots of whiskey before leaving the house, i didn’t want to get on this train ride sober. i could feel the whiskey sitting, digesting in my stomach, slowly influencing my mind, slowly slowing down some of my senses and enhancing some. i am 20 minutes into my train ride, and can say that i’m comfortably inebriated. it has started with the narrowing of my vision, or focusing rather — a lightening of my moods, feelings of slight tinglings in my brain cells — a rather cheerful introspection of myself and my past lovers, most probably caused by an affliction with my current one, and somehow my life feels clearer now than ever before.
you were the one.
i don’t regret letting you go, i think i needed that break. i think i needed that to learn, to experience that you were the one i truly wanted.